THE LETTER : My Final Request

i typed this so that i have something to refer to when i write a letter to *** later.

HI.
Still keep the letters? Ezlin told me u were showing it off to her. It's kindof rude to me, but i guess it's okay since it was a way of u remembering me. Sorry to say but i tore em to pieces before it was thrown away. I'm mad at u and that didn't fades, but i got a little feeling of regret for throwing it away. If i didn't, atleast there's still something to prove that u were once there for me.

How's life been treating ya? U put off some weight. Why? U did looked different. I can't deny the fact that i miss u badly, even now. But that's not the main purposeof this. I wrote this so that i can let go of u. I wanted to live a free life. A free life where there won't be u anymore. A life where your presence are not needed. A life where i won't be trapped inside, won't be wondering where u are, when are u goin to be back? I want a life where i don't need to hold on to the past anymore. I want it and i need that life so badly.

And so i wanted to ask u this :
" Can u let go of me, can u pretend that i'd never existed. Can u, beyond thousands doubts, admit that u hate me so that we both can moved on without any regrets? "

I have been living a life without u, and i find it difficult without any help. I get through with it with little helps. What really help me was the fact that i cannot hold on to the past anymore. My hardest task was to admit the fact that i'm forgetting u. It hurts me so badly knowing i can't remember u anymore. It tears me up, that i cannot make new ones to prevent from forgetting u. I tried to keep the memories fresh, but i failed. And that pierce my heart painfully. What worse was that i keep it all to myself as i'm afraid that that would make me look weaker. I don't want to let everybody know that i can't live without u. I don't want to make u sad, leaving me. Cause seeing your tears are like millions swords stabbing me. Just knowing it streams down your face without seeing it are like drowning alone in deep dark icy sea.

Through those days without u, i'm trapped within anger and missing u. I'm confused.

My request, final request, was u to answer the question without breaking your heart.
I'm sorry. I miss u. I'm sorry for every drop of your tears for me. I'm sorry for every pieces of our broken heart if ever break it. I'm sorry i did this. It's for our own future. Don't miss me. I'm just a phase.